The Beast we created
So much time has past and I sit here trying to comprehend everything. Why am I here? Where will I go? What I have done? Does it have a purpose? If there is action, then there is accountability and am I accountable? I certainly feel accountable, responsible for every word spoken and breath taken.
I feel my wrists as I look up out the window and can feel those chains gripping at them like a vice trying to prevent my blood from escaping. Chained to this immortal body which doesn't forget me for a moment not giving me a break or even a chance to breathe. Why? How long do I have to keep drowning in this vacuum called life? Where nothing grows except my sins which stab and turn in me every time I remember you. In a field where everything just decays and rots, how can there be hope?
It's so cold in here that I can see my breath freeze in time. I look at it from all angles watching it's sculptured beauty. How can a breath from the most darkened of places have any beauty? A breath which I have chased throughout this merciless existence in a paradoxical state of love and hate. Wanting it to leave me behind in this world and yet gasping for it whenever it has.
I stand and gaze out into this place you call "world", a fine specimen of darkness and loneliness, full of lost souls trying to end themselves through drugs and alcohol, trying to forget or lose all sense of responsibility. Yes, back to that word again - "responsibility." I hang my head in consolation and sit back down. What am I so fearful of? I think to myself. This fear has swallowed me whole since I was born, not so soon after I escaped her womb I ended up in this womb of hell. Knowing there's no escape I sit here drinking alone in a hotel room full of horrific memories of us, you and the beast we created which ultimately finished us off.
I feel my wrists as I look up out the window and can feel those chains gripping at them like a vice trying to prevent my blood from escaping. Chained to this immortal body which doesn't forget me for a moment not giving me a break or even a chance to breathe. Why? How long do I have to keep drowning in this vacuum called life? Where nothing grows except my sins which stab and turn in me every time I remember you. In a field where everything just decays and rots, how can there be hope?
It's so cold in here that I can see my breath freeze in time. I look at it from all angles watching it's sculptured beauty. How can a breath from the most darkened of places have any beauty? A breath which I have chased throughout this merciless existence in a paradoxical state of love and hate. Wanting it to leave me behind in this world and yet gasping for it whenever it has.
I stand and gaze out into this place you call "world", a fine specimen of darkness and loneliness, full of lost souls trying to end themselves through drugs and alcohol, trying to forget or lose all sense of responsibility. Yes, back to that word again - "responsibility." I hang my head in consolation and sit back down. What am I so fearful of? I think to myself. This fear has swallowed me whole since I was born, not so soon after I escaped her womb I ended up in this womb of hell. Knowing there's no escape I sit here drinking alone in a hotel room full of horrific memories of us, you and the beast we created which ultimately finished us off.
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