Condemned

I remember everything, every scar, every torment, every whisper of agony you blew through me. I've never wanted this, this pain, this suffering, these words which morph into thoughts and scrape down my soul, eating at every ounce of hope and happiness that remains. "Why" is just a word which has no meaning anymore and weighs down on me like a mountain made up of unanswered questions. What did I do that was that bad? What did I do that was that evil? Why was I left alone to fade before I even lived? Spineless and twisted as I am I can't even shed a tear for anyone but myself and my desires.

Left for dead I was. On the floor of filth and disease. Brought up to drown in my own, brought up to be condemned in a maze of madness. Brought up to be drowned by the hands of God. Over and over again not knowing why or if it would ever end. Phlegm and filth are all I've known to the extent that others can't differentiate between myself and it. 

I crave for death every day, wanting it to cast its shadow upon me and take me far from here. Even it is hell then that would be a respite from the scrambled screams that constantly haunt me. Please, Please, just take me and let me die, for I chose not to live, I chose not to breath, I chose not to be drowned by you. I chose not to BE! 

Blamed for it all and having to watch my deeds die before me is a life I don't want. Sick of it now, sick of it all, sick of me and how this blood runs through these veins. Eat me and leave me to the vultures in a world where people only care about money. I want nothing of this place anymore! But chained to this mortal world I cannot leave. You don't let me leave, leaving me condemned. 

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