Rage

Fuck it, fuck it all! I didn't want this life but you pushed it down my throat whilst holding my head down. Leaving me breathless was just the beginning of the sadistic games you played. I won't beg anymore because my words aren't worth wasting on a sadistic, narcissistic motherfucker like you!

Rage is all I have to keep me going in a world where people walk around like zombies and treat others like how they want to be treated themselves. I sit here smoking, thinking of what went wrong, what did I do to deserve this? Or what didn't I do? Ignorance, a place to be alone, sedated from the shit that's going on and hide in, but even it eats at you like termites until there's nothing left but the guilt carved in shame. Desire becomes a broken kite and following it only leads you into the mouth of chaos. 

The cigarette fades and I look at it and stop thinking and wonder how if everything fades, it all ends, falls away, but I don't. You left me living in an eternal hell to which I'm confined to in mind, body and spirit. These chains of desire and hate cut away at me and I lay quiet, worthless drowning in my own blood. Perhaps I chose this, or you chose it? Nobody knows, but the point remains that I wouldn't let go of this rage for you or anyone. It's the fuel that I need to keep going so I can reach you and see your face and ask the question when? When do you want it to end and when can I start?

Life is a coin and at some point someone comes along and flips it. Perhaps destiny is the girl that flips that coin whilst raising a middle finger to life? A girl that I would pick up in a bar. What would I say to her? Could she relate to me or even understand me? Perhaps she'll walk away like everyone else or perhaps she'll stay and talk? Either way, your time is up, and the end begins soon.

I get up and walk towards the mirror in front of me and look at it hoping to see something different, something alive and worth something. Give me a reason to stay and I'll stay, but a thousand voices tell me to walk into what's to come, an endless abyss of misery and pain which I never wanted but you gave and now I walk to you to give it back! I have no questions now. I don't ask why anymore. Nor do I even care when it will come because destiny is still sitting at the bar enjoying that drink and has no intention of glancing up at me. So I take my coat and hat and walk into what you call life or what I call hell. Words are nothing but pointers pointing to the pointed, so I will let them be and perhaps they will let me be as well. So here I am, in a world which you call existence but like all dictators, you will also fail and fall, but my rage will remain for it is all I have and all I can give in all of its colours.

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