A life I'm forced to live

Atrophy - The dictionaries meaning: "Atrophy is the partial or complete wasting away of a part of the body".

Atrophy - My meaning: WTF!!! Why would nature create such an illness that slowly wastes your body away. From the moment one is born with this disease, their body starts to waste away. From childhood you don't realise that before you ever grow fully strong, you start to fade.

I know, because I have this terrible fucked up illness - SMA. I have watched myself lose my movement in my arms, hands and legs. From being able to write, play music and even feed myself - I now can barely move two thumbs and my toes. As well as that, I can't even breathe fully because my lungs are to weak. 

People say I should be grateful that I'm alive. Some say I'm lucky and some say I'm unlucky or have bad Karma.

You wanna hear what I think? What goes unheard in this storm of silence!

I'll tell you!.........

Despite my misgivings and flaws - Despite my current acts or previous acts - Despite my lustful desires - Despite my need to take - Despite my hunger for freedom - Despite my need to control and despite my rage - I did not deserve this, at least not for this fucking long! To make me a prisoner in this useless body and make me watch how things and persons are taken away from me is just evil! Well, you know I never asked for it and I don't want it!

It reminds of a lyric from a favourite song of mine.

 "It's the world I've grown to know
 Unforgiving and so cold
 Take it away
 Take it away
 I don't want it
 It's a life I'm forced to live
 I've got nothing more to give
 Take it away
 Take it away
 I don't want it anymore"
- FFDP - Generation dead

So here's my finger to you for putting me in this situation and walking away as I cry tears of fear and rage.


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