The Ghost

Do you know what I really hate? I'll tell you.........Last weekend highlighted it again for me, a feeling which feels like being pulled by a claw which has such a strong grip on you that you can only struggle for release, whilst being pulled under helplessly.

There I was in bed with a beautiful woman talking about life in general after spending some intimate moments with her. She says to me how much she would like to meet someone and settle down and have children. At that moment it hit me, yep, that feeling as I realised that even though I could provide a woman with security, give children, provide love, honesty and companionship, even though I know deep in my heart that I could provide all of that, that I would never be accepted, loved, valued or seen because of this fucked up body I'm in! Because of my disability I would never be even given that opportunity to show that I can provide, love and cherish. At that moment and for a few days after I felt that claw pulling me down, drowning me in a sea of despair until I accepted that until the day I die, I will remain as a ghost, unseen by everyone......

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